Remnants

I'm sitting here, in the aftermath of one of the weirdest conversations I have ever had with a random internet person. I want to tell a certain someone about it, and I can't.  I feel like I lost a best friend, but even more still, I feel like a lost an important part of my future.

Sure I'm working out and trying to get in shape to join the Navy, but I feel like it's a substitute for what I really wanted. I wanted to be happy with the one person who I thought was my other half. This wasn't just another guy to me. This was it, he was the one. What do you do with feelings that are left over after something like that? Everyday I try to talk myself into being over him, and forgetting about what he meant to me. It is so much harder to do than can be imagined when everything you do, hear, think, see reminds you of that person you lost. It honestly feels like someone has died and I'm grieving, and I'm just this huge ball of irrational emotion. I'm sad consistently everyday, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes just so depressed that I feel like I can't function. I use exercising to try and keep myself from thinking about it all, but it sneaks up on me at the most inopportune times. Did you know it is hard to drive while crying? Well, I know that now.

I'll continue to keep telling myself that this was all for the best. Perhaps one day, when I, or someone else, says that to me, I will actually be convinced.